The world is cruel.
It is doubly so if you are living your faith. The entire world seems out to tell you what you should believe, or think, or do. Everything would just get better if you would just be anyone else except who you are.
Then you stand up for yourself. You draw a line in the sand. After all, something has got to give, right? If you don't stand up for what you believe in, who will? If you don't, what kind of example would that set for your children?
My sister Lynn thinks that humans can't be witches. I discovered this after I corrected her when she used the label of my faith for a female unsub in Criminal Minds. She said it in a scoffing tone, as if it was so obvious that everyone knew it, as if the sheer ignorance of the statement did not occur to her at all.
Further correction revealed that she thought that passing down my faith was "forcing it upon the girls". All because I pray with them; because I include them in what I do; because I have discussed life and death with them. I live my faith. It is an every day thing for me. How can I not include my children?
What's more is she thinks that I was overreacting by correcting her. I was overreacting by being offended that my own sister was dehumanizing my children and myself; that she was saying that my daughters were on the same level as a child murderer.
And what does my mother say to it? We're both entitled to our opinions. Like it was a discussion about favorite colors instead of a discussion about the verbal abuse that Lynn had just performed upon my daughters.
Some family.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
A Good Day
I had a good day today.
This is a marked improvement over most of my days lately. I was having an insomnia spell. For me that means that I both couldn't fall asleep and once there, I couldn't stay. I'm bipolar; insomnia is just a fact of life. I am also struggling with depression, something that I'm finding much different from my depressive cycle. The depression, almost ironically, is the only reason that I was getting any sleep at all.
But today was a good day.
It started with me going to sleep at the usual time. Instead of fighting to fall asleep, I dropped right off without any problems. For once, I had good dreams. My nightmares are frequent companions, but not last night. Last night, I slept deeply and peacefully straight through to my mother waking me before she left for work at five to watch the girls who she had woken a half hour previous.
I had a nice cuddle with both my daughters as we talked. The television was on Qubo though we were only paying half attention. Julia, my youngest, regaled me with a story about Detective Cat's adventures while Lilium colored a drawing from the packet of pictures that Amafo (my dad) sent her. It was a lazy morning, but aren't those the best kind?
After the girls were off to school, I came back and made coffee. I decided on a whim to experiment with cream and sugar again. You know, I can drink it black--some coffees I even prefer it that way. I can't even remember why I settled upon four teaspoons and so much creamer. Why not find my taste again? I'm thinking of getting a little jar with a lid that seals and another measuring spoon so that I have a hard number for the creamer. The Autumnal Equinox was yesterday. It is a good time for changing things.
I drank one cup while I did my Facebook rounds. Then I went for a walk around the track that's in the field across the street. I listened to yawns from the trees and their hushed voices reminded me that I don't do this near enough. I need to get out more--not just for the exercise that is study-proven to help with depression like I told my therapist when she asked why I wanted to include it in my treatment plan. I am Choctaw. My blood comes from the earth. My heart beats with its rhythms. Being out in nature is good for me. I need the reminder of what is a good flow.
I finished the assembly of Julia's kinnickkinnick bag. It's now prepped for decoration. I just need to get a different color of seed beads. I'm thinking of doing the edging in black, both for added protection on the bag and because Julia like black and red, which the bag already is due to the fabric. If I do the fringe edge in black and then use black thread to to the pinching afterwards, that would tie it all together. I may try to do a beaded end to the cord if I have time.
I went over to Grandpa's today. The excuse was I needed help filling out some paperwork to cash out my 401k, but that was quickly done and we just sat and talked for another two hours. I enjoyed that. We talked about Dad and his outdate. We talked about how difficult that was going to be for him and strategized ways to keep Daddy both from being overwhelmed and from being restless. We talked about my sister thinking she was white but not actually being so. We talked about religion and politics and how no one seems to remember their history. We talked about shows for our crafts and the little shop that Dad wants to open.
When I got home, I had a Dr. Pepper/Pepsi tea party with two girls, a turtle, a bunny, and an elephant. It was under an umbrella, of course. I helped Lilium with her writing skills while she chatted through Facebook with my mother who was about three feet away. I cooked a not-so-balanced dinner of saute chicken and brussel sprouts. It was tasty though. I love how rosemary and brussel sprouts go together.
Baths and then off to bed, where I should be going now as well.
Today was a good day.
This is a marked improvement over most of my days lately. I was having an insomnia spell. For me that means that I both couldn't fall asleep and once there, I couldn't stay. I'm bipolar; insomnia is just a fact of life. I am also struggling with depression, something that I'm finding much different from my depressive cycle. The depression, almost ironically, is the only reason that I was getting any sleep at all.
But today was a good day.
It started with me going to sleep at the usual time. Instead of fighting to fall asleep, I dropped right off without any problems. For once, I had good dreams. My nightmares are frequent companions, but not last night. Last night, I slept deeply and peacefully straight through to my mother waking me before she left for work at five to watch the girls who she had woken a half hour previous.
I had a nice cuddle with both my daughters as we talked. The television was on Qubo though we were only paying half attention. Julia, my youngest, regaled me with a story about Detective Cat's adventures while Lilium colored a drawing from the packet of pictures that Amafo (my dad) sent her. It was a lazy morning, but aren't those the best kind?
After the girls were off to school, I came back and made coffee. I decided on a whim to experiment with cream and sugar again. You know, I can drink it black--some coffees I even prefer it that way. I can't even remember why I settled upon four teaspoons and so much creamer. Why not find my taste again? I'm thinking of getting a little jar with a lid that seals and another measuring spoon so that I have a hard number for the creamer. The Autumnal Equinox was yesterday. It is a good time for changing things.
I drank one cup while I did my Facebook rounds. Then I went for a walk around the track that's in the field across the street. I listened to yawns from the trees and their hushed voices reminded me that I don't do this near enough. I need to get out more--not just for the exercise that is study-proven to help with depression like I told my therapist when she asked why I wanted to include it in my treatment plan. I am Choctaw. My blood comes from the earth. My heart beats with its rhythms. Being out in nature is good for me. I need the reminder of what is a good flow.
I finished the assembly of Julia's kinnickkinnick bag. It's now prepped for decoration. I just need to get a different color of seed beads. I'm thinking of doing the edging in black, both for added protection on the bag and because Julia like black and red, which the bag already is due to the fabric. If I do the fringe edge in black and then use black thread to to the pinching afterwards, that would tie it all together. I may try to do a beaded end to the cord if I have time.
I went over to Grandpa's today. The excuse was I needed help filling out some paperwork to cash out my 401k, but that was quickly done and we just sat and talked for another two hours. I enjoyed that. We talked about Dad and his outdate. We talked about how difficult that was going to be for him and strategized ways to keep Daddy both from being overwhelmed and from being restless. We talked about my sister thinking she was white but not actually being so. We talked about religion and politics and how no one seems to remember their history. We talked about shows for our crafts and the little shop that Dad wants to open.
When I got home, I had a Dr. Pepper/Pepsi tea party with two girls, a turtle, a bunny, and an elephant. It was under an umbrella, of course. I helped Lilium with her writing skills while she chatted through Facebook with my mother who was about three feet away. I cooked a not-so-balanced dinner of saute chicken and brussel sprouts. It was tasty though. I love how rosemary and brussel sprouts go together.
Baths and then off to bed, where I should be going now as well.
Today was a good day.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Love Letter
Dear Alex,
I love you. You have asked me why. I'm going to tell you why.
You're perfect. Oh, you have flaws. I am not denying that, but they aren't really any worse than mine and they don't detract from your overall worth. That makes them sound like points. They aren't points. It's like building a character. The flaws you have keep you from being a Gary Stu. They make you uniquely perfect rather than a cookie cutter copy. They make you, well, you.
You don't care that I'm damaged. No, that's not it. You do care. You see the wounds upon my soul and you fill them with enamel. I can't remember the word at the moment, but that's what you do. You don't love me in spite of it or because of it. You accept it as a part of me. In your eyes, I am more beautiful for having been broken. Moreover, you repair the damage in such a way that I can see it as well.
You have never attempted to tear me down to make yourself seem better. Even in anger, you never fling cruel insults or name at me. If you don't agree with something I say or do, you let me know and we discuss it. I know that I'm not the best at doing the same and I apologize for that. I'm going to make more of an effort in the future. You deserve that. Thank you for bearing with me despite that.
I can't say that you have never hurt me, but I can honestly say that you have never intended to do so. I know that I have unintentionally hurt you as well, and I'm sorry for that. But these are not things either of us hang onto to drag out every time we have a small disagreement or even a larger fight. We discuss them, treating them as lessons, and then we move onward.
You have never threatened me in any way. Oh, I know that you have joked about withholding this or that. But it's nothing that would actually harm me. Your presence and affection are not leverage to get your way in an argument.
You listen when I speak, and more importantly, you understand me, even when I don't understand me. I can talk to you about anything. You'll understand, and even those times when you don't immediately, you ask me to explain, which I do. Always, you have some insight that I may have missed. Your advice is always invaluable to me.
I love being intimate with you. I am not talking about sex, though that is sometimes part of it. I love the feeling of connection, that baring of my soul. I can be myself completely with you. I love that you always treat it as precious as it is. You treat it as a trusted privilege instead of your just due. You have never abused that privilege. What is more awesome in my mind is the fact that you trust me to do the same. I hope that I never disappoint you in that regard.
When it comes to sex, you always take care of me first, even when I am not certain of what I want. I can trust you to respect hard boundaries and even uncertain boundaries without getting angry or impatient. You work with me on things, instead of dictating according to your whims.
And even though I act annoyed, I really love it when the day after we do something, you ask if I enjoyed it. It's not just because it reminds me that we did something really fun, but also because that opens the door for if there was something that I wanted to talk about, I could. And I know that you will listen, and understand.
I love that we are partners in everything. I don't want to say that you complete me. I am a whole person and don't need it. We both are. However, you compliment me in such a way, that I am less than I could be without you and I compliment you in the same way. We are bring out the best in each other.
I love you, my beloved, and I consider myself lucky to hold a place in your heart.
Yours,
Magi
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
He's Like the Wind
The Wind blows the season onward. Storms always come from the West.
Cold comes from the North. Out of the South comes Warmth. It may be a
soft breeze bringing the promise of spring. It may be the mighty gale of
the tornado which leaves naught but destruction in its wake. The Wind
blows. That is what it does.
People blow as well. A relationship could mean everything to them, enduring all...or it could mean nothing, constantly crumbling under the least amount of pressure. This goes for any relationship, familial, romantic, or platonic. Sometimes, they blow almost cyclically, always coming and going in a pattern that almost mimics the seasons.
That last kind has its own kind of pain, especially if you've given your all into the relationship. Eventually, you just accept that they leave. They are the Wind, constantly blowing onward and away from you.
The Wind is not harmless, but it is not evil. Neither are those Relations who are as fickle as the wind. They are just being themselves. Even when their words and actions wound, one must know that they are just being themselves. The Wind blows. That is what it does.
The thing about the Relation, though, is that it is a Person who can make choices. They can choose to say cruel things or throw fits. They can choose to decide that their pride is more important than the relationship that they have with you. They can choose whether to stay or go.
And you are responsible for your own protection as well. If the Wind is too much for you to bear, you have the choice of deciding whether you will expose yourself to it or how much you will. If you know that a tornado is coming, would you not take shelter? If the Wind brought the frost, would you not armor yourself with a coat?
If you knew that a Relation, however dear, was narcissistic and temperamental to the point of being emotionally abusive over the smallest of things, would you not learn to ignore their petty insults and demands for reparations for some imagined slight to their ego? Would you not let them go when they wished?
People make choices. The Wind does not. It just blows.
People blow as well. A relationship could mean everything to them, enduring all...or it could mean nothing, constantly crumbling under the least amount of pressure. This goes for any relationship, familial, romantic, or platonic. Sometimes, they blow almost cyclically, always coming and going in a pattern that almost mimics the seasons.
That last kind has its own kind of pain, especially if you've given your all into the relationship. Eventually, you just accept that they leave. They are the Wind, constantly blowing onward and away from you.
The Wind is not harmless, but it is not evil. Neither are those Relations who are as fickle as the wind. They are just being themselves. Even when their words and actions wound, one must know that they are just being themselves. The Wind blows. That is what it does.
The thing about the Relation, though, is that it is a Person who can make choices. They can choose to say cruel things or throw fits. They can choose to decide that their pride is more important than the relationship that they have with you. They can choose whether to stay or go.
And you are responsible for your own protection as well. If the Wind is too much for you to bear, you have the choice of deciding whether you will expose yourself to it or how much you will. If you know that a tornado is coming, would you not take shelter? If the Wind brought the frost, would you not armor yourself with a coat?
If you knew that a Relation, however dear, was narcissistic and temperamental to the point of being emotionally abusive over the smallest of things, would you not learn to ignore their petty insults and demands for reparations for some imagined slight to their ego? Would you not let them go when they wished?
People make choices. The Wind does not. It just blows.
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Survey
I found this on deviantArt when I was looking for something unrelated. It had been copied a couple of different times already and the original author had been lost. If this is yours, I apologize for using it without permission. ~Magi
Please describe briefly your
Path. I am a pagan witch with strong shamanic leaning due to my Choctaw heritage and a father who is a pipekeeper. I am not a Wiccan.
Please describe briefly how you practice it. I practice my faith by praying to the Great Spirit, who I call mother or grandmother. I also send prayers to the spirits of the world and those of my ancestors. I ask them for guidance and lessons. As the need arises, I work energy towards various purposes. This is the very definition of witchcraft, making me a witch.
When did you first commit to your Path? I first committed to a pagan path October 15, 1994, but I had several leanings towards it before that from various family members.
How is your practice different now than it was then? I have grown so much, as a person, as a witch, as a Choctaw. I was a child then, with a child's understanding of faith. I am now an adult and I see things as an adult would do so.
Is your practice different today than how you thought it would be back then? I didn't do as much with it as I do now. This was mostly due to being unable to really practice due to living at home, a fact that is recurring now that I'm back living at home.
Does your Path and core belief system differ now than how it was when you first started? I follow a lot less of the Wiccan practices and a lot more of the Choctaw ones. Also my use of magick changed a lot after living with my great-grandmother for a while. There's a lot of my practices that I picked up from her despite the fact that she was very firm on not being a witch and instead being a good Christian woman.
What is your heritage and how does this inform your Path? I am Choctaw and of the Little Creek Clan. My father speaks of the Clan as traditionalists who managed to preserve our heritage against great odds. This makes me desire to help preserve their legacy for my own children.
What are your main influences for your Path? My greatest influence is definitely my intuition. I feel my way through magick letting my fingers work without forcing them to do so. I find that some of my strongest magick is done when I am buried deep in the Now of it.
Which do you do more: practice or research? At the moment, I do a lot of research and writing my interpretations down in my grimoire. I think in my grimoire, I only have one or two spells. The rest are recipes, chants/songs, or journal entries about various things. I'm currently in the process of trying to digitize the entries. It's been slow going.
Do you feel that one is more important than the other? They both have their place and purpose. And they are also very similar. They both help you grow in faith and power. You learn by doing. You learn by talking with Elders and Wicca. You learn by being exposed to new ideas or old ideas in new lights. What may define you today may not work tomorrow.
What values and ethics are important on your Path and in your practice? I really feel that taking responsibility for oneself is the greatest value. You are responsible for what you put out into the world. You can put forth truth and honor, or you can put forth more spew. It's really is your choice, but remember that energy moves in spirals. It will come back to you. Maybe not a nice tidy amount either. The longer it takes to get to you, the worse the fallout will be when it does happen.
What sort of cycles do you feel your practice goes through? It spirals with the year. The summer is usually used for pushing forward in learning while the winter is used for reflection on the things that I learned. There is some of each in the other season, but majorly that is how it goes.
What is one of the greatest obstacles or struggles you have had to overcome? My need to please people is perhaps my greatest struggle. There are certain people in my life who would like me to be other than what I am faithfully. This is sometimes through either misunderstanding or blind acceptance of their faith's absolutism doctrine. Other times, it is just their need to be in control of a situation. I dislike having people upset with me, so I try to please them, inevitably failing. Staying true to myself is a lesson that I more than occasionally have to relearn.
How do you see yourself practicing in ten years? I can't see that far ahead. I know that there are things that I want to have done by then. I want to have studied more of the Choctaw traditions. I want to have learned more about herbs. I want to have made a smudge bowl out of Catlinite that I have dug with my own hands. I want to have opened up my pagan supply store/pagan community center.
How do you incorporate your practice into your life? I like to start the day with a smudge and end it with prayer. I incorporate little things into my day. I sing. I live in the Way.
Has walking your Path changed you as a person? I feel strengthen as a person and uplifted by my faith. It is a mirror with which I can see myself.
Do you consider yourself to be a priest/ess? How so? I do not consider myself clergy. I would love to serve, but I cannot afford to do so. I found a place where I could get a degree in Theology focusing on the pagan theology, but i cannot get back and forth from it.
A witch? How so? I am a witch as I practice witchcraft. That is all the term means.
A shaman? How so? I am not a shaman. Nor am I a pipekeeper or drumkeeper. I have not been called to serve the People in that way.
Which matters more: getting the vocabulary right or the actual practice of what we are trying to define? They are actually very tied together. You cannot call yourself Wiccan and not keep their traditions. If you are going to claim a label, at least make sure that it is the correct one. There are expectations among pagans that come along with a label. There's enough misconception going through the practitioners from other faiths with confusing them by lying about what you are.
One of the most profound things anyone ever said to you was: "You are only as good as your honored word. If your word is nothing, then so are you." ~My father, in explanation why he never admitted guilt for a crime that he did not do when it would have been easier to just go along with what people demanded of him.
A defining moment on your Path was: When I gave my first child up for adoption because I weighed her needs against my wants, my heart broke. It was best for her at the time. I was just a kid. The pain of that, of letting a piece of my soul go into someone else's care, it really opened my eyes to the duality of everything. I was broken by that, but my Mother's quiet love was there for me through the healing process. I really understood the meaning of sacrifice.
Have you ever taken a "leap of faith"? I'm in the middle of one right now. Moving to Kentucky after living the vast majority of my life in the same three miles radius.
Please tell us something stupid, reckless, or embarrassing you did once in your practice: I really can't think of anything that I've done that would be described as that in my practice. But you don't live to be twenty-eight without doing something foolish, I think.
What is the most frustrating thing about your Path? This is going to be really upsetting to some people, but the kooks. You know the ones--they are more for the Hollywood version of everything than the actual truth of it. The pretenders also annoy me. If you aren't following any of the traditions of a path, do not claim it. You are only sowing confusion. I can deal with the elitists, mostly by rolling my eyes, but if you are showing willful ignorance, I just want to smack you.
Have you ever been frightened? Well, ain't this random... um, yes, several times throughout my life. I'm arachnophobic, so I near-enough have a heart attack every time I see one. My youngest fell out a window when she was two and a half; I have never been so scared in my life. I prayed so hard that day. Also there was a time when a group of "concerned" teenagers had me cornered and was threatening me with a cherry bomb if I didn't "repent" of my "sins".
Please describe briefly how you practice it. I practice my faith by praying to the Great Spirit, who I call mother or grandmother. I also send prayers to the spirits of the world and those of my ancestors. I ask them for guidance and lessons. As the need arises, I work energy towards various purposes. This is the very definition of witchcraft, making me a witch.
When did you first commit to your Path? I first committed to a pagan path October 15, 1994, but I had several leanings towards it before that from various family members.
How is your practice different now than it was then? I have grown so much, as a person, as a witch, as a Choctaw. I was a child then, with a child's understanding of faith. I am now an adult and I see things as an adult would do so.
Is your practice different today than how you thought it would be back then? I didn't do as much with it as I do now. This was mostly due to being unable to really practice due to living at home, a fact that is recurring now that I'm back living at home.
Does your Path and core belief system differ now than how it was when you first started? I follow a lot less of the Wiccan practices and a lot more of the Choctaw ones. Also my use of magick changed a lot after living with my great-grandmother for a while. There's a lot of my practices that I picked up from her despite the fact that she was very firm on not being a witch and instead being a good Christian woman.
What is your heritage and how does this inform your Path? I am Choctaw and of the Little Creek Clan. My father speaks of the Clan as traditionalists who managed to preserve our heritage against great odds. This makes me desire to help preserve their legacy for my own children.
What are your main influences for your Path? My greatest influence is definitely my intuition. I feel my way through magick letting my fingers work without forcing them to do so. I find that some of my strongest magick is done when I am buried deep in the Now of it.
Which do you do more: practice or research? At the moment, I do a lot of research and writing my interpretations down in my grimoire. I think in my grimoire, I only have one or two spells. The rest are recipes, chants/songs, or journal entries about various things. I'm currently in the process of trying to digitize the entries. It's been slow going.
Do you feel that one is more important than the other? They both have their place and purpose. And they are also very similar. They both help you grow in faith and power. You learn by doing. You learn by talking with Elders and Wicca. You learn by being exposed to new ideas or old ideas in new lights. What may define you today may not work tomorrow.
What values and ethics are important on your Path and in your practice? I really feel that taking responsibility for oneself is the greatest value. You are responsible for what you put out into the world. You can put forth truth and honor, or you can put forth more spew. It's really is your choice, but remember that energy moves in spirals. It will come back to you. Maybe not a nice tidy amount either. The longer it takes to get to you, the worse the fallout will be when it does happen.
What sort of cycles do you feel your practice goes through? It spirals with the year. The summer is usually used for pushing forward in learning while the winter is used for reflection on the things that I learned. There is some of each in the other season, but majorly that is how it goes.
What is one of the greatest obstacles or struggles you have had to overcome? My need to please people is perhaps my greatest struggle. There are certain people in my life who would like me to be other than what I am faithfully. This is sometimes through either misunderstanding or blind acceptance of their faith's absolutism doctrine. Other times, it is just their need to be in control of a situation. I dislike having people upset with me, so I try to please them, inevitably failing. Staying true to myself is a lesson that I more than occasionally have to relearn.
How do you see yourself practicing in ten years? I can't see that far ahead. I know that there are things that I want to have done by then. I want to have studied more of the Choctaw traditions. I want to have learned more about herbs. I want to have made a smudge bowl out of Catlinite that I have dug with my own hands. I want to have opened up my pagan supply store/pagan community center.
How do you incorporate your practice into your life? I like to start the day with a smudge and end it with prayer. I incorporate little things into my day. I sing. I live in the Way.
Has walking your Path changed you as a person? I feel strengthen as a person and uplifted by my faith. It is a mirror with which I can see myself.
Do you consider yourself to be a priest/ess? How so? I do not consider myself clergy. I would love to serve, but I cannot afford to do so. I found a place where I could get a degree in Theology focusing on the pagan theology, but i cannot get back and forth from it.
A witch? How so? I am a witch as I practice witchcraft. That is all the term means.
A shaman? How so? I am not a shaman. Nor am I a pipekeeper or drumkeeper. I have not been called to serve the People in that way.
Which matters more: getting the vocabulary right or the actual practice of what we are trying to define? They are actually very tied together. You cannot call yourself Wiccan and not keep their traditions. If you are going to claim a label, at least make sure that it is the correct one. There are expectations among pagans that come along with a label. There's enough misconception going through the practitioners from other faiths with confusing them by lying about what you are.
One of the most profound things anyone ever said to you was: "You are only as good as your honored word. If your word is nothing, then so are you." ~My father, in explanation why he never admitted guilt for a crime that he did not do when it would have been easier to just go along with what people demanded of him.
A defining moment on your Path was: When I gave my first child up for adoption because I weighed her needs against my wants, my heart broke. It was best for her at the time. I was just a kid. The pain of that, of letting a piece of my soul go into someone else's care, it really opened my eyes to the duality of everything. I was broken by that, but my Mother's quiet love was there for me through the healing process. I really understood the meaning of sacrifice.
Have you ever taken a "leap of faith"? I'm in the middle of one right now. Moving to Kentucky after living the vast majority of my life in the same three miles radius.
Please tell us something stupid, reckless, or embarrassing you did once in your practice: I really can't think of anything that I've done that would be described as that in my practice. But you don't live to be twenty-eight without doing something foolish, I think.
What is the most frustrating thing about your Path? This is going to be really upsetting to some people, but the kooks. You know the ones--they are more for the Hollywood version of everything than the actual truth of it. The pretenders also annoy me. If you aren't following any of the traditions of a path, do not claim it. You are only sowing confusion. I can deal with the elitists, mostly by rolling my eyes, but if you are showing willful ignorance, I just want to smack you.
Have you ever been frightened? Well, ain't this random... um, yes, several times throughout my life. I'm arachnophobic, so I near-enough have a heart attack every time I see one. My youngest fell out a window when she was two and a half; I have never been so scared in my life. I prayed so hard that day. Also there was a time when a group of "concerned" teenagers had me cornered and was threatening me with a cherry bomb if I didn't "repent" of my "sins".
Can you perform ritual without a script? Well, yes and no. If I am learning a new ritual, I enjoy having a script, but once I've learned it, I usually use it a lot.
Have you ever performed spontaneous magick/spellcraft? Oh, all the time. I am energy. Energy is me. How could I not?
What are you still exploring or experimenting with? I am constantly exploring my faith, and growing and learning new things.
What (or whom) are you the most committed to in your practice and on your Path? I worship and pray to the Great Spirit in a maternal form most often. I call her: Mother of All, She of Many Names, The Faceless One, Honored Mother, She Who Was First and Will Be Last, the Lady of Light, the Mistress of Mercy, Queen of Heaven, Mother Earth, Sister Moon, Lady of Life, Oceana, Gaia, Rhiannon, She Who Wields the Life Sickle, Scythe-Bearer, Dark Lady, The Star-Mantled One, Wise One, Dark One, The Forever Child, The Endless... I really could go on forever.
Ritual tools are ... anything that you use in a ritual. It is usually set aside for the specific use and kept sacred, but ultimately they are just foci of energy.
Magickal tools are ... anything that you use in a magickal working. See above answer for details.
The one thing you can't do without is: well, for a tangible answer, I would have to say my grimoire. I write down my observations about the world and the things that I learn. It is a record of how far that I've come and it is my legacy to my daughters.
Seeking personal power is ... fine. You might hear that it is frowned upon or is taboo, but ultimately, it will happen. What you have to understand that true power comes from living up to your potential and always striving forward in your endeavours, whatever they are.
Politics and your Path are … totally unrelated. I am a firm believer in the separation of church and state. When you mix religion with policy, you get problems. It does not matter what religion it is. It's just bad. Look at what is happening now. Thank you, Democrats, for making this an issue.
One thing you wish people would understand about your Path and/or practice is ... that there is nothing wrong with it. I am touched by your concern for my well being, but I don't follow your religion because it does not work for me. I have learned how to think, not what to think like you. And yes, atheism is a religion. I worked for the government. Bald is indeed a hair color. Get over it.
Do you teach? I will teach any who are willing to learn from me for however long they wish to learn from me and on any topic with which I am familiar, even some that I am not. We could learn together.
What do you feel is the role of clergy in modern Paganism and Heathenism? The role of clergy is really the same in all religions, I think. They should be teachers and guides. You come to them to learn from them. They have made their lives about learning and communicating with the Esoteric Realm. They do this for the People, to help the People in their way.
When the Veil (or Hedge!) is thin, how does that feel to you? The Veil is the barrier not just between the Spirit Realm and the Material Realm, but between Order and Chaos. When the Veil gets thin, madness becomes the norm. It is the time for destroying the ways that do not serve us and forging new habits. You are no longer fixed; you are flowing like water, blowing like air. It is the time to reflect and communicate.
What entities do you work with most? (ancestors, gods, fae etc.) I would have to say that I work with the Great One the most, but I do a lot of work with individual guardian spirits.
What is your relationship with the Land? It is one of the bodies of my Mother. From it, I was born and to it, I shall return.
The most important aspect of ritual is ... the feeling of oneness with Deity. You really should feel that connection.
The main purpose of ritual is ... to make a spiritual connection with Deity. You may petition Her help or thank Her for helping you. You may unburden yourself to Her.
What is the purpose of divination/dowsing (or whichever form of augury you use)? I prefer using Roma methods such as cards or palmistry as my method of reaching the right state. It gets very tiring to do it a lot in one sitting.
What was the most difficult book you ever read? (Either difficult to understand or hard to face what it said or both)? Speaking of spiritual literature only, I have difficulty stomaching anything by DJ Conway. She just comes off with this know-it-all attitude while getting several things wrong. Grrr. Then she ignores basic safety measures! Please, everyone, practice Safe Magick!
What book do you recommend the most to others? Paganism: An Introduction to Earth-Centered Religions by Joyce and River Higginbotham is a great starting place for your research. I consider this a must-have book for all pagans and theology students.
What is your favourite podcast (if any) and favourite blog (other than your own)? I really dig In the Words of the Urban Crone. I have met her personally and she's really like that. So I follow her in several locations now. She's just awesome.
If you could impart only one last piece of wisdom or knowledge, or share one experience with the world at large, what would it be? All relationships come down to two things: communication and trust. This is all relationships: platonic, familial, romantic, and spiritual. Any relationship can survive a temporary breakdown of one or the other, but if one of them is missing, the relationship is irreparably broken until it is restored. Jealousy is a sign that trust is gone. It is not healthy and has no place in a relationship.
Do you face any challenges from
people who don't understand or agree with your path, and if so, what
do you do about them? I get this a lot and it really varies with the relationship that you have with the person. What it boils down to, however, is the person you are dealing with has to be willing to learn. If they aren't, it doesn't matter if they are your parent or beloved sibling. The relationship has broken. It hurts to admit that some times, but sometimes Truth wounds us as we cling to the False Dream.
Is there an additional question you would like to see here? What is it? (please also answer)
"Do you have any suggestions for those seeking a spiritual change to a pagan paths?"
Really make sure that you're doing it for the right reasons. If you come into the pagan community for the wrong reasons, you aren't going to get much out of it. It's as simple as that. This isn't Harry Potter or Charmed. Magic doesn't work like that.
"Do you have any warnings for new Seekers?"
Paganism is a minority religion. There's a lot of misunderstandings about it and a lot of people who want to cling to those misunderstandings. You aren't going to be able to change everyone's mind. Learning when to walk away will be necessary.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Wounded
I have been confronted once again about how different the world is from my viewpoint to my family's viewpoint. It's been little things up to this point. This last incident was rather intense and it has taken a few days to gain the emotional distance necessary to analyze what went wrong. I'm still not entirely certain.
I will explain.
My youngest sister is not the most intelligent of people. This would be excusable if she had some kind of learning disability. Lynn doesn't. She just refuses to accept new information unless it supports her status quo, which currently consists of playing video games all day. She sees no reason to attempt to do anything with herself. She has been surviving because she hasn't left home yet. She hasn't sought a college education, not because she can't afford it (the Pell Grant was made for someone in her situation), but because she simply doesn't want to do so.
This is so far removed from my viewpoint of always learn something new that I can't comprehend it. I have to know what something is and why it is like it is. I have to have the correct name for it. If someone tells me something that I didn't know, I ask "really?" and verify it as soon as possible.
Wednesday evening, I asked Lynn to send me the URL of a page that I had up on the main computer so that I could bring up the page on the laptop. She didn't know what that was. After I explained what I wanted, she called it a barcode. I pointed out that it wasn't actually called that and she dismissed it. When I pointed out that knowing that was kind of necessary to function, my other sister PJ exploded at me.
How dare I call Lynn names? Some people just have difficulties understanding information! When I pointed out that I wasn't calling Lynn anything other than willfully ignorant, I got a lecture about how I should love her because she's family. Needless to say that my explanation about it being my love that made me want to see Lynn better herself was met with a scathing review of how hypocritical it was of me to say that when I had to move back in with Mother after refusing to get a job and now spend most of my time on the computer, ignoring my daughters.
Never mind that I spend most of my computer time filling out applications with frequent breaks for the girls' needs. All of which PJ does not see due to her not living with Mother. Never mind that I frequently look things up for the girls. (They miss my stones almost as much as I do and looking up "pretties" is a frequent event. Both girls also love to play Minecraft and watch videos about it on Youtube. There's one that Lilium loves called Minecraft Oasis. She has a file named that on ours now. She spelled oasis as ouases. That's really close for a seven-year-old.)
PJ finished by saying that God loves us just as we are and my expectation of change was selfish and wrong. Then she stormed out. (She got waylaid at the door by my youngest showing her a picture. At least she wasn't stupid enough to snap at my baby. It might have come to blows.)
I was angry at first. Then the hurt made itself known. I have been trying so hard to keep everything together. There were times that I really had felt like I could not sink any lower only to find the ground sliding out beneath me again. It is impressive if I go an entire day without a panic attack or a crying spell. Or worse: disassociation. I have difficulty focusing and remembering things. Everything is becoming fuzzy, which is a stress in and of itself. To have a family member dismiss all my efforts so readily... it hurt.
Why can't they see? Why don't they understand? Why am I so different? What is so wrong with me that I cannot fit into my family?
It broke my heart and stabbed me with the shards of it. The wounds may be invisible, but they still bleed.
I will explain.
My youngest sister is not the most intelligent of people. This would be excusable if she had some kind of learning disability. Lynn doesn't. She just refuses to accept new information unless it supports her status quo, which currently consists of playing video games all day. She sees no reason to attempt to do anything with herself. She has been surviving because she hasn't left home yet. She hasn't sought a college education, not because she can't afford it (the Pell Grant was made for someone in her situation), but because she simply doesn't want to do so.
This is so far removed from my viewpoint of always learn something new that I can't comprehend it. I have to know what something is and why it is like it is. I have to have the correct name for it. If someone tells me something that I didn't know, I ask "really?" and verify it as soon as possible.
Wednesday evening, I asked Lynn to send me the URL of a page that I had up on the main computer so that I could bring up the page on the laptop. She didn't know what that was. After I explained what I wanted, she called it a barcode. I pointed out that it wasn't actually called that and she dismissed it. When I pointed out that knowing that was kind of necessary to function, my other sister PJ exploded at me.
How dare I call Lynn names? Some people just have difficulties understanding information! When I pointed out that I wasn't calling Lynn anything other than willfully ignorant, I got a lecture about how I should love her because she's family. Needless to say that my explanation about it being my love that made me want to see Lynn better herself was met with a scathing review of how hypocritical it was of me to say that when I had to move back in with Mother after refusing to get a job and now spend most of my time on the computer, ignoring my daughters.
Never mind that I spend most of my computer time filling out applications with frequent breaks for the girls' needs. All of which PJ does not see due to her not living with Mother. Never mind that I frequently look things up for the girls. (They miss my stones almost as much as I do and looking up "pretties" is a frequent event. Both girls also love to play Minecraft and watch videos about it on Youtube. There's one that Lilium loves called Minecraft Oasis. She has a file named that on ours now. She spelled oasis as ouases. That's really close for a seven-year-old.)
PJ finished by saying that God loves us just as we are and my expectation of change was selfish and wrong. Then she stormed out. (She got waylaid at the door by my youngest showing her a picture. At least she wasn't stupid enough to snap at my baby. It might have come to blows.)
I was angry at first. Then the hurt made itself known. I have been trying so hard to keep everything together. There were times that I really had felt like I could not sink any lower only to find the ground sliding out beneath me again. It is impressive if I go an entire day without a panic attack or a crying spell. Or worse: disassociation. I have difficulty focusing and remembering things. Everything is becoming fuzzy, which is a stress in and of itself. To have a family member dismiss all my efforts so readily... it hurt.
Why can't they see? Why don't they understand? Why am I so different? What is so wrong with me that I cannot fit into my family?
It broke my heart and stabbed me with the shards of it. The wounds may be invisible, but they still bleed.
Monday, June 17, 2013
10 Small Things to Improve Your Writing
1) Use a word processor that has the spell check function.
If said word processor also checks your grammar that is awesome.
Neither of these things will complete replace the need for education,
but they can help train you so that you don’t make the mistakes as well
as they can catch things that a human misses during a read through of
the pieces. Just remember that the program cannot adjust for new words
and nonstandard turns of phrase. It is a machine. It is not capable of
abstract thought.
2) Locate a Dictionary. In fact, find a few. A writer uses words as a painter does color. Utilizing a word processor that has spell check is great, but the dictionary it uses is never complete. The dictionary is a multitasking tool. Not only can a writer look up words of which he is uncertain, but he may also use it to verify that he did use an actual word and that he spelled it correctly. Before you start complaining about the cost, listen to this: both the Merriam-Webster and the Oxford dictionaries are online and accessible for no charge.
3) Locate a Thesaurus. Repetition of words is boring. That’s where a thesaurus comes in handy. They give you other possibilities to say essentially the same thing. Just be sure to double check the definition with a dictionary or you may end up implying something that you may not have intended.
4) Locate a Grammar text. A grammar text is a supplement to a normal course book for college English classes. It is a comprehensive book that has all the punctuation rules, sentence structures, essay structures, citation rules, and formatting standards. The best way to find one of these is to ask your local college or university for the required books for English 101. The grammar text is usually the smaller one of the two books to which you are referred. Yes, this can get a bit pricey. However, the investment is always worth it.
5) Read. This rule used to be read everything, but the popularity of Facebook,
Twitter, and blogging have murdered that idea. It was a triple homicide with the other victims being grammar and spelling. Now it has been amended with the word well. A good rule of thumb is reading professionally published pieces such as books, newspapers, and magazines. If the piece was published professionally, then it is usually a good assumption that it has gone through an editor at some
point. That being said, even bad writing can provide helpful insight into what you are doing wrong in your own writing. Proceed with caution.
6) Do a cold read of your work. Every writer should know by now to proofread their work. This will catch a lot of mistakes that get made in the primary draft. A cold read is coming back to the piece at a later time, after your brain has had time to release its concept of what is being conveyed so that it can see what is actually being said.
7) Read your work aloud. I don't know how many times I have found missing words, sentences that didn't agree with each other, or other places where things just didn't make sense. I wouldn't have found those things if I hadn't read the piece aloud. Sometimes, it's a case of something just not sounding right. This is also useful for finding where you want to put an inflection and for writing accents.
8) Find a secondary reader. This person can be anyone. They don't even have to be good at spelling or grammar, though that would definitely be a big help. The second pair of eyes looking through your piece will help. No matter how many times you read through it, there are always those things that you will miss. Writers are still human and humans make mistakes. It is a fact. This secondary reader also serves another purpose: they can help you identify those places where the story lags or where the description didn't come across clearly.
9) Learn effective research tactics. No matter how knowledgeable you are on your chosen topic, there will always be something to look up for your piece. It could be verifying the spelling of wristwatch or it could be the process to remove gunshot residue from skin and clothing. Research will be needed. Knowing how to find what you are looking for efficiently will reduce the amount of time spent on research, thus increasing the amount of time spent on actually writing.
10) Write. The old adage about practice makes perfect is very accurate when it comes to writing. The more you write, the better your writing will be. Writing is one of those things that you learn best by doing. There are plenty of sites that offer writing prompts and exercises if you are lacking in ideas at first.
2) Locate a Dictionary. In fact, find a few. A writer uses words as a painter does color. Utilizing a word processor that has spell check is great, but the dictionary it uses is never complete. The dictionary is a multitasking tool. Not only can a writer look up words of which he is uncertain, but he may also use it to verify that he did use an actual word and that he spelled it correctly. Before you start complaining about the cost, listen to this: both the Merriam-Webster and the Oxford dictionaries are online and accessible for no charge.
3) Locate a Thesaurus. Repetition of words is boring. That’s where a thesaurus comes in handy. They give you other possibilities to say essentially the same thing. Just be sure to double check the definition with a dictionary or you may end up implying something that you may not have intended.
4) Locate a Grammar text. A grammar text is a supplement to a normal course book for college English classes. It is a comprehensive book that has all the punctuation rules, sentence structures, essay structures, citation rules, and formatting standards. The best way to find one of these is to ask your local college or university for the required books for English 101. The grammar text is usually the smaller one of the two books to which you are referred. Yes, this can get a bit pricey. However, the investment is always worth it.
5) Read. This rule used to be read everything, but the popularity of Facebook,
Twitter, and blogging have murdered that idea. It was a triple homicide with the other victims being grammar and spelling. Now it has been amended with the word well. A good rule of thumb is reading professionally published pieces such as books, newspapers, and magazines. If the piece was published professionally, then it is usually a good assumption that it has gone through an editor at some
point. That being said, even bad writing can provide helpful insight into what you are doing wrong in your own writing. Proceed with caution.
6) Do a cold read of your work. Every writer should know by now to proofread their work. This will catch a lot of mistakes that get made in the primary draft. A cold read is coming back to the piece at a later time, after your brain has had time to release its concept of what is being conveyed so that it can see what is actually being said.
7) Read your work aloud. I don't know how many times I have found missing words, sentences that didn't agree with each other, or other places where things just didn't make sense. I wouldn't have found those things if I hadn't read the piece aloud. Sometimes, it's a case of something just not sounding right. This is also useful for finding where you want to put an inflection and for writing accents.
8) Find a secondary reader. This person can be anyone. They don't even have to be good at spelling or grammar, though that would definitely be a big help. The second pair of eyes looking through your piece will help. No matter how many times you read through it, there are always those things that you will miss. Writers are still human and humans make mistakes. It is a fact. This secondary reader also serves another purpose: they can help you identify those places where the story lags or where the description didn't come across clearly.
9) Learn effective research tactics. No matter how knowledgeable you are on your chosen topic, there will always be something to look up for your piece. It could be verifying the spelling of wristwatch or it could be the process to remove gunshot residue from skin and clothing. Research will be needed. Knowing how to find what you are looking for efficiently will reduce the amount of time spent on research, thus increasing the amount of time spent on actually writing.
10) Write. The old adage about practice makes perfect is very accurate when it comes to writing. The more you write, the better your writing will be. Writing is one of those things that you learn best by doing. There are plenty of sites that offer writing prompts and exercises if you are lacking in ideas at first.
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