Our break up happened in stages.
It started because he betrayed my trust, not just by making plans to take the girls, but when he walked away from a duty that he had promised to fulfill--a life or death one. I put a kebash on a newly added D/s aspect to our relationship (not that Alex explored it much with me--his preference for those things were Luna. Looking back, this might have been a sign of the pending heartbreak). citing that I couldn't trust him enough to continue it at that time. His response was to kick me and the girls out. We managed to work out a temporary truce, but it was not even forty-eight hours later that he betrays my trust again by lying to me about what he wanted to do. Even giving him the benefit of the doubt, it would then be turned into him choosing Luna again, over what was best for our family unit.
Our little family was once again spread over two locations, and Alex only had a plan for seeing the girls, which boiled down to on the weekend, if he could manage it. But he kept talking about how much he loved me, so I put off starting over on my own. He would alternate between ignoring me completely and reassuring me that he did love me and cared for me. The dissonance between what he was verbally telling me and what his actions were saying tore me up--I blamed myself and came up with reasons. (If I wasn't so needy; if I hadn't lost my job and then the house--if I could still take care of him; if I was funnier; if I was thinner; if I didn't study so much; if I wasn't so broken; if I could be a Gorean like Luna.) Looking back, I can see the cycle, and how I fed into it by just accepting him playing with my emotions as just part of the situation, perhaps even as a just punishment for failing to take care of my family as a Choctaw was supposed to; as a Silverwolf was supposed to.
It came to a head the day before our 13th Anniversary. I was asking for a plan again, one to reunite our household or begin working to fix our relationship. Alex declared that he couldn't stand to live with me again. It hurt, gods did it hurt. But it was also freeing, in a way. I knew that I couldn't depend upon him to step into the provider role for me and the girls. That meant that I needed to find some way of stepping back into that role myself. I needed to be the one to provide my daughters with a home, because he didn't want to do so. He saw nothing wrong with the status quo.
So I initiated paperwork to become my own household with Division of Social Services. I knew Alex would be upset. I knew that he would be angry, because it would mean that he wasn't getting the money for the girls and would have to start paying out of his paychecks (from a job that I had gotten him the lead on, but that he later told me that I was delusional for thinking that I had anything to do with, despite screen-captures showing where I had gotten the tip to pass on to him). So I avoided telling him until the last moment possible.
It was a week after I had to tell him, that he came up with the idea to fraud the state. It escalated quickly as I dug in my heels and refused to break the law for him. In the course of that evening, he attacked me three times. That was back in April. I still have complications from my injuries.
Alex married Luna May 14th. They didn't wait to have the girls there, or to prepare them for the change in status of the woman who could barely stand their presence. Thousands of ways to communicate information, and they choose to spring the idea on me at court the other day.
When Alex and I opened our relationship, we had only a few rules: 1) our relationship came first; 2) everyone has to ask permission; 3) everyone had to keep clean papers; 4) the girls did not get involved--we weren't going to have a bunch of Aunts/Uncles floating in and out of their lives. His marriage to Luna was the final nail in the coffin of my officially-dead-but-still-there hope/expectation that we'd get back together after Luna leaves (as she has every commitment in the past). I didn't even know that I had it until it was destroyed.
It hurts. Oh, Goddess, how it hurts.
